"...something about bubblegum"

“Friday Old Games” is a series of articles in which we review a game from the older generations of consoles, share why we picked it, and whether or not it holds up with time.

Before I get going here, I want to ask a simple question: What happened to friendly, jammin’ aliens like Toejam and Earl? It seems no matter where you look, the gaming industry is cramming ‘shoot aliens’ down our throat.

Mass Effect, Gears of War, Halo, Half-Life… all of these franchises highly successful, and all of them based on the same simple formula; Go in. Shoot some aliens. Save the day.

But before anyone confronted Saren, closed an emergence hole, pistol whipped a grunt or decided a crow bar works better as a club, Duke Nukem was the prime offender.

Duke Nukem 64 was the first Duke title released on a console (although it was developed as Duke Nukem 3D for DOS and Mac-OS). The concept behind the game is simple. Evil aliens have come to earth, enslaved and kidnapped countless babes, and it’s up to Duke to stop them.

As you begin the game, you find yourself on a rooftop armed with just your pistol and a can-do attitude. Unfortunately, I can’t recite the plot any clearer than I’ve done already. It simply doesn’t exist within the confines of the cartridge. I’m sure the booklet that originally came with it would cover the story more fully, but I don’t have that, limiting me to what little information I’ve found scattered throughout the levels.

Quite typical of older games, this one is split up into very clear cut levels. You start each level with whatever you carried over from the last one. You end the level once you’ve found the giant bio-hazard button and, presumably, nuked whatever critters you missed along the way.

As I haven’t quite finished the game fully, I can’t tell you the total number of levels, but I can say there are at least 15 or so. Certain levels become so difficult, I found myself questioning whether it would actually be possible to complete this game on the single player mode. Things like the giant machine gun wielding monster at around level 8 really made me start to wonder. I’ve been playing Co-op, which allows you to continue respawning as long as there is one player still alive (Halo style).

The weapon selection is a bit fairer than I originally suspected. Throughout the course of Duke Nukem 64, I’ve found a shotgun, sub-machine guns, a grenade launcher, and pipe bombs, as well as a few more complicated and unique weapons such as the shrink ray and plasma cannon.

Different kinds of ammunition also make an appearance, such as the “dum-dum” rounds for your pistol. These act like normal bullets, but are incredibly powerful. Along with weapons, items play a key role in the functionality of this game. Jetpacks, scuba gear, portable medkits, night vision goggles, and body armor, keep you searching each dark corner in case of hidden goodies.

Which brings me to this games very best feature:

Secrets are EVERYWHERE. I haven’t found every secret place on even one of the levels I’ve played, and I only know that because the level completion screen informs you how many found vs. how many total. I’ve searched for hours trying to clear a level, felt confident, and been crushed to find I missed not just one, but 3 or more. While others may find this frustrating, I thoroughly enjoyed it due to my unyielding love of ‘secret spots’.

Why did I pick this game?

Before this, I’d never tried my hand at a Duke Nukem game. Honestly, I avoided the series like some kind of disease. Why? Because I’d heard so many bad things about it. I even found myself making fun of Duke Nukem without trying it. This goes against my personal code, so I needed to give it a shot before I talked anymore trash.

How does it hold up with time?

Better than you’d imagine. Somehow playing this game makes me feel like a kid again. It has a very Doom-like trait to it that I love. Additionally, the controls, once you’ve grown used to them, are much easier to manage than other failed schemes like Goldeneye.

There is a tiny bit of auto-aim, not enough to play the game for you, but just enough to make that missed shot a ‘good enough’ shot. As I mentioned before, I love secrets, and the idea of finding something someone else couldn’t and being rewarded for it really gets my juices flowing. The time I’ve spent searching for secrets so far is enough to make me skip to Duke Nukem‘s tune. While its not perfect, this game has changed my view on the franchise quite drastically. Duke Nukem is no longer a “never-was”, and now qualifies as a “has-been”.

“Friday Old Games” is a series of articles in which we review a game from the older generations of consoles, share why we picked it, and whether or not it holds up with time.

Looking back on 1996 a few tumultuous events may come to mind, ranging from the controversial accusations and trial of O.J. Simpson, to finding out our favorite cycling champion was inflicted with a treacherous testicle tumor. But more importantly, at least in the eyes of a (at the time) four year old child, 1996 was the dawning of a new generation of gaming with the launch of the largely successful Nintendo 64. Only 2 games were available with the launch of this console, and only one of them was able to hold my interest every time I visited my cousins brand new ‘super-system’. I’m talking about, of course, Super Mario 64.

Why was I so intrigued by this super sequel? Nintendo’s new machine enabled the shaping of a 3 dimensional world. That’s right, all the goomba pouncing, fireball throwin’, mushroom eating action was due, but this time it was REAL. Or so I thought. As it turned out this game was almost nothing like the older iterations, lacking the classic powerups I longed for. Not a single mushroom exists in this game, aside from the green 1-up mushrooms littered across the 15 completely unique cartoon landscapes. So what makes it Mario?

As in the previous entries of this series, Bowser has kidnapped the princess and no one in the kingdom is man enough to take on the giant turtle/dinosaur beast. Which is why our favorite middle-aged, overweight plumber is fooled into taking on this daunting task with the empty promise of a home made cake. As Mario arrives at the castle he’s greeted by Toad, who explains bowser has occupied the castle and stolen the 120 power stars that apparently give some kind of power to the castle. Mario’s only hope for delicious baked goods is only logical… He must jump headfirst into every painting in the castle, teleporting him to far off magical lands, and retrieve the stars bowser scattered until he’s acquired enough to power the doors leading to the koopa king.

Although the exclusion of favorite powerups from the more classic cartridges was a disappointment, this game brings all sorts of new tricks to help mario maneuver as he makes his likely frightening plunge into the 3rd dimension. Some of these include the double jump, which is performed by timing a second jump immediately after landing, the more tricky triple jump, performed the same way, and the wall jump, which allows mario to climb as far as your good sense of timing allows. Along with new jumps are some new powerups which come in the form of hats this time round. There’s the red winged flight cap, allowing mario to soar (without a running start), the green metal cap which turns our hero into solid iron, making him completely invulnerable as well as super heavy, and the blue invisible cap, letting Mario walk through thin walls and enemies without taking damage.

Fancy jumps and powerups are just a fraction of what this game has to offer, however. The game plays as a finely tuned platforming adventure, and as with any good Mario game, is riddled with secret areas and shortcuts. The C-buttons allow the player to adjust the camera, which prevents a fixed 3d camera from ruining the core gameplay that this series is so well known for. After spending a few minutes adjusting to the idea, anyone who’s played through one of the 2d predecessors to this will see how this is, in a lot of ways, still a side-scrolling platformer.

Just a quick camera tweak and tada, suddenly a complicated series of maneuvers becomes much simpler.

After making your way through caves, snowy mountain peaks, volcanoes, a sunken ship, the inner workings of a clock and, yes, a ghost house, you’re asked to confront Bowser for the last time. The Bowser battles this time consist of bum rushing his tail and throwing him into conveniently placed sea-mines around the edge of the arena.

After the final battle, the princess greets Mario outside of the castle, gives him a peck on the nose, and fails to deliver any cake. When she turns to enter the castle she mentions her intention of baking a cake, but it was supposed to have already been made. After playing Portal, I’ve decided that anyone will do anything for cake, so she’s been stringing Mario along for years with empty promises such as this.

Why did I Choose this game?

Like I mentioned before, when this game came out I was only 4 years old. My hands could barely hold the seemingly humongous Nintendo 64 controller, and there was no way I was earning enough stars to beat this game. As time went on I ran into another opportunity to play through this game when a friend of mine let me borrow his copy.

Overjoyed, I raced through, skipping anything I deemed unnecessary for my minimal completion. After returning it, I realized I should’ve taken my time to earn all 120 stars, but it was too late. So when I was offered the opportunity to review this, I was ecstatic. I jumped at the opportunity to right what I had wronged, playing through a final time to earn all 120 stars! Woo-hoo!

Does this game stand the test of time?

In a word, yes. At no point playing this game did I say, “you know, if this was slightly different at this part it would be a lot better”. I’m not sure about you, but most games coming out nowadays are chalked full of moments like that. This game is classic, like fine wine its age just brings excellence, and I encourage each and every one of you reading this to go re-play it right now.

If you haven’t played it in the first place, it is now considered mandatory.