Imagine my surprise and delight when I decided to check what was new on Netflix and saw the movie Far Cry. I didn’t even know they made a Far Cry movie. I wondered if it was based on the game, or just happens to have a similar title. My surprise turned to fear as I read the description and discovered that not only was it based on one of my favorite games, but it was directed by one of my least favorite directors. The reviled Uwe Boll.

Uwe Boll (which is German for “Terrible Director”) has made a living (and angered a whole lot of people) taking beloved video game properties and transforming them into terribly wretched movies. Does Far Cry continue the trend or has Uwe Boll finally crafted something somewhat enjoyable?

Featuring the girl from Need For Speed: Carbon, the buff German guy from Gladiator, the creepy vampire elder from Blade, and starring some other  German guy from Deuce Bigolo:  European Gigolo, Far Cry tells the story of a mad scientist doctor with a secret research facility on an island where he has been conducting genetic experiments on people, transforming them into bulletproof killing machines. Jack Carver is a charter boat captain who gets caught up in the mysteries of the island when he agrees to take a journalist to the island.

The lush tropical island of the game has been replaced with the Pacific Northwest (right in WingDamage’s backyard). Palm trees are now pine trees, and the silent sneaking through the forest picking off soldiers has been replaced with bad dialog and completely unrealistic chases.

The problem with this and every one of Uwe Boll’s movies is the acting (well there are a lot more problems than just the acting but it’s a start). Everything feels completely stiff and unrealistic. Even skilled actors need a couple of takes to get things exactly right. Uwe Boll seems like more of a “one take” sort of guy. This pretty much negates any sense of character development or any of those things they try to teach you about in film school. You are too busy trying to figure out whether or not actors in Uwe Boll movies put the role on their resumes to care about them as characters.

There is supposed to be some kind of romance between the two leads, but there is no chemistry between them. This is exacerbated by the weak dialog. When they are hiding out after a crazy escape they seem so casual that one would think the last scene involved buying milk and cookies at the grocery store and not a death defying car chase.

The special effects are okay, but the terrifying genetic monstrosities from the game have been reduced to really pale guys. This was one of the highlights of the game and was clearly a wasted opportunity to create a truly terrifying monster. I am sure it had more to do with the special effects budget than anything else, but it is still a letdown.

Boll actually plays around with some unique camera angles, like he was trying to channel Sam Raimi. They don’t really do much, but it does seem like he was trying to liven things up a bit.

Uwe Boll’s films are usually so bad they pass by the “so bad that they are funny” range. Of all of Boll’s movies I have seen, this one is my favorite. I am not sure if it is because Mr. Boll has gained some directing skills or he assembled a decent cast, but Far Cry feels like a pretty decent Sci Fi channel movie (no way am I calling it SyFy.) There are a bunch of decent action sequences, a fairly attractive female lead, some over the top gory blood, and some big explosions.

I don’t think any reasonable person should pay actual Earth dollars to own or watch this movie, but it really is not that terrible. At no point during my time with the film did I want to stab myself or someone else. This is highly unusual for a Uwe film. Most screenings result in at least 3 people being taken to the ICU.

Final Fantasy VII is one of the most celebrated JRPGs of all time. It is even credited by most as the game that popularized the genre outside of Japan. Though there are varying opinions on how the gameplay actually stacks up against other JRPGs, few can dispute the impact the game had. Cutting to the chase, making any kind of sequel was considered “a big deal”.

Square knew this, of course, and dumped in a lot of money to make this movie as eye-poppingly gorgeous as possible. Even though the movie is now quite a few years old, the CGI is still impressive to look at. On top of that, the soundtrack is fantastic. But what of the story?

I can best describe this movie’s story as “unnecessary”. It’s not particularly engaging, which I find quite in contrast with the game, and often feels like a strange and convoluted vehicle to the next over-the-top fight scene. The movie consists of shameless fan service, using the “plot” as a way to show off hi-res reimaginings of beloved characters.

Complete boasts an extra twenty-six minutes of footage. For some, this is the selling point. Honestly, I prefer the movie without the extra footage and I’ll tell you why. Having additional scenes actually helped to alleviate some of the confusion in the film’s story, but unfortunately I felt that this killed the pacing. Adding an extra quarter of a movie turns the whole thing into a much slower experience. When I watch a really interesting film (like The Dark Knight, which was almost a half hour longer than Advent Children Complete), I don’t even notice the amount of time passing. Advent Children Complete, however, now feels like it drags on. What it all comes down to is that even with the extra scenes making the story more understandable, I still don’t find it to be a very enjoyable story and it just lengthens the time between the next action-packed scene.

There were also some added and modified scenes that I just didn’t like. First, we have an added scene with Cloud and Marlene where she mentions she knows Cloud has been searching for a cure for Denzel, a diseased orphan boy that lives with them. She mentions that she found this out because Cloud doesn’t keep his desk clean enough. Call me crazy, but I don’t think Cloud is really known for his brains. When did he start studying medicine? My guess, the “paperwork” Marlene found looked something like this:

Cloud's "paperwork"

On to the modified scenes. Fans of Cid will be glad to know he now does literally nothing when he first arrives during the Sin Bahamut fight. Sorry Cid, looks like Tifa and Cloud have to take over what little action the original movie gave you. Here’s another. Remember the motorcycle chase scene where Loz throws a giant bike with his thighs? Well, that whole scene wasn’t nearly ridiculous enough. Thankfully Sqaure has heard our complaints of the action being too plausible. We now get to see Yazoo (a candidate for greatest name ever) fly his bike through the doors of a helicopter, destroying its throttle on his way out.

To anybody that holds this movie as “sacred”, please remember that this is one man’s opinion and should in no way affect your love of the movie. I do have to say the added dirt effects are a nice touch and I enjoy being able to watch it with the clarity that blu-ray provides, but I wish I had the shorter version of the movie instead. If you’ve never seen it before, you should watch it at least once for the ridiculous fight scenes and amazing soundtrack, even if you don’t have any interest in Final Fantasy, though I’d recommend the original version instead of Complete.

"Okay, punching isn't your thing..."

Despite our better judgment, Jesse and I braved the theaters to check out the new Street Fighter movie, “The Legend of Chun Li.” This was knowing full well that it contained zero percent Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg (Van Damme to you), nor did it attempt to find an actress who resembled the character of Chun Li in any way. Also, it was an origin story. Hollywood seems obsessed with those. Even that recent Superman movie, fifth in it’s franchise (you can’t escape the third and forth movies Hollywood, try as you might), started with an origin. It’s SUPERMAN. We get it.

But I digress…

The movie begins with the titular character as a small child, learning to be a concert pianist with some martial arts thrown in on the side for good measure. The fairy tale dream is shattered when Bison kidnaps Chun Li’s father and Balrog punches her mother so hard she gets cancer (I wish I were making that last part up), which set Chun Li down the path of vengeance. When she gets around to it.

After jumping ahead, we see her dream has come true. She is a concert pianist. One thing leads to another and she is trained by Gen (Gen is played by Robin Shou, who played Liu Kang in the Mortal Kombat films, so I guess he’s done it all now). He tells her that her father is still alive and is being held by Bison. After a bunch of running around and some fight scenes, mostly involving guns, they give us more origins. This time of Bison. In this movie he is Irish, for some reason, and is trying to take over the world. Or at least the slums of Bangkok. But really it’s just an elaborate plan to get his daughter back.

Remember Charlie?  Guile’s friend who disappeared, and is the whole reason for Guile entering the Street Fighter tournament? He is in this movie. For some reason, he is an Interpol agent, and assists Chun Li in the final showdown, along with a small army of S.W.A.T. members. This is a good example of where the movie really falls flat. Nearly all of the characters in the film used firearms instead of martial arts. Even Balrog is often using a gun, and at one point an RPG, instead of just punching the hell out people, like he’s good at.

Like most video game movies, this one sets itself up for a sequel. A part of me hopes they do get to make one. Not because this movie was good, because it wasn’t, but because the second movie would theoretically involve the actual Street Fighter tournament.