Not too long ago an interesting question was proposed. Who would take the individual offices of the state if video game characters ran the United States government?

The rules were simple. The nominees could not be characters that originated in other media, or people that existed in real life. Sorry Spongebob and Madden, perhaps you can form your own super team and take over Cuba. I hear that place is beautiful in the summertime.

Also, the nominees must fit their position of power. No nominating Cloud for president just because he is everyone’s favorite emo kid. So without further ado, I bring you your new heads of office.

President: Leon Kennedy

Leon has the determination, the drive, and a sweet haircut. Not to mention he also carries the Kennedy name so it is almost as if he were destined for the position. Although, now I have the feeling I just gave away the plot for Resident Evil 6. The only question is, he has survived hordes of zombies but can he survive the Kennedy curse?

Vice President: Luigi

What better position for the number one number two than that of vice president? He will be there to back the president up in any situation, and if the need be, save the president from a nefarious gang of ghosts.

Chief of Staff: Andrew Ryan

The Chief of Staff is often described as the second most powerful man in America, and Andrew Ryan’s political experience and expertise more than fulfills the requirements. His ability to manipulate those around him will definitely come in handy. We just have to make sure he does not try for an underwater dystopia.

Secretary of State: Samus Aran

How does Ms. Aran handle diplomacy? With a freeze beam and 200 rapid firing rockets. Not to mention, she is great for photo ops.

Secretary of Treasury: Wario

Wario is perhaps one of the greediest characters in video games. He is always coming up with new schemes to take the public’s money and hoard it like Tyra Banks on an ego trip. We have to pay back China somehow.

Secretary of Defense: Kratos

He is the god of war. How is this not the obvious choice? Hell, you do not even need an army. Just send Kratos into the battlefield and let nature take its course. We will have that “Mission accomplished” sign up in no time.

Attorney General: Phoenix Wright

Attorneys in video games are a rarity, and by rarity I mean there is only one series that features them. Therefore, I had to choose Phoenix Wright as the man for the job. Sure, there are other lawyers in the Phoenix Wright series but there is only one whose yelling can win the case. Besides, I hear Miles Edgeworth beats children.

Secretary of the Interior: Turok

Who better to handle Native American affairs than one that fights dinosaurs and the Civil War generals that ride them? Also, should the bear population ever become a problem he has the cerebral bore.

Secretary of Agriculture: The protagonist from Harvest Moon

A master of both farm and food, this guy will get the job done. We will just have to come up with a suitable name for him. I have a feeling people will get tired of referring to him as “the protagonist from Harvest Moon”. My suggestion, Ellsworth Purrington. Do not ask me why.

Secretary of Commerce: Wall Street Kid

I have no idea. This was Dave‘s’ idea. Ask him. I assume the “Kid” knows his way around money.

[So what if you youngsters have no memory of his game. The "Kid" was wheeling and dealing his way down Wall Street buying million dollar houses and yachts for his trophy wife, while Mario was busy collecting coins. –ed.]

Aren’t I only a few years younger than you, sir?

[Yeah but a few years in video game time is a long time. Four years can take you through almost an entire console generation. Also, it was long enough for you to have missed out on "Wall Street Kid", apparently.-ed.]

Yeah, I am pretty sure a five-year-old child would not have been able to understand finances. If I did I would be running Microsoft right about now. At the very least, one of our fine failing banks. Any who, moving on.

Secretary of Labor: Abe

Abe refused to allow he and his people to be turned into the next version of soylent green at the fine place of employment/enslavement known as Walmart Rupture Farms. I have little doubt that he could accomplish the very same feat nationwide. At the very least he would amuse us by farting on some CEO’s.

Secretary of Transportation: Sonic

Sonic, fast but unreliable. Yet, still an improvement.

Secretary of Energy: Pikachu

I will be honest. Pikachu would not have the knowledge to manage the nation’s energy reserves. Hell, all he can say is “Pikachu”. I say we just attach him and a bunch of his friends to a machine and force them to power the country. It will be easy. All we have to do is convince them that if they do not do as we say we will kill Ash. Of course, the role of Ash will be played by Kanye West.  That way if Pikachu still refuses we will have at least rid the planet of a giant douche.

Secretary of Education: Carmen Sandiego

If this is any indication of the effectiveness of our public education system then we could clearly use a figure who knows her way around the world.

Secretary of Homeland Security: Solid Snake

Snake has saved the country from giant mechs and nuclear holocaust numerous times. I am confident he can continue that trend in a political office.

Surgeon General: Faust

To hell with Dr. Mario. His answer to everything is to shove more pills down the throat. Faust is a much better physician. Never mind the fact that he will brutally murder your children. He still has that much needed medical know-how.

Press Secretary: Professor Layton

“Sure, I can answer your question, but first solve this puzzle.”

There you have it. These fine folks are the ones that will lead us into the next generation. Well, if they were real that is (I am working on that.) I realize I am missing a few of the cabinet positions, but who really cares about the secretary of veterans’ affairs other than Eric Shinseki?

Feel free to leave your nominations in the comment section below. However, if any of you say Master Chief, prepare yourself for the glaring of a lifetime. Many thanks to Dave for his input in this article.