A beard might tell the world “I don’t care about the opposite sex” or “I am married” or “I am really lazy”.

A goatee tells the world “I am in my 20′s” or “I wish I was”.

A soul patch says “I missed a spot”. But there is just something special about the mustache that seems to tell the world “Hello ladies”. From Tom Selleck to Burt Reynolds to Adam Morrison, to just about every Highway Patrolman, mustaches are a thing of beauty.

In the world of video games these 11 whiskers represent the pinnacle of the art of mustaching.

11. Wario – (Wario series and countless Nintendo games)

Many people think that Wario is just a knock off Mario, but a closer examination of both ‘staches reveals that Wario has a wild man mustache like an old silent movie villain. Just try to resist this charming and quirky ‘stache. You can’t. No one can. I checked.

10. Dr Wily – (Mega Man series)

A devious ‘stache for one of gaming’s classic baddies that seems to say “I am a bad boy…but I like to play”.

9. Henry Hatsworth – (Henry Hatsworth)

If there is one facial accessory more powerful than a good ‘stache, it would have to be the monocle. Henry Hatsworth does an amazing job of pairing the two together, and like chocolate and peanut butter the combination is potent.

8. “Old” Solid Snake – (Metal Gear Solid 4)

This is one of those grizzled old man caterpillar mustaches that probably don’t belong on anyone’s face. But Solid Snake spends his afternoons smoking cigarettes and single handedly taking out entire armies. Do you want to tell him his stache looks weird?

7. Heihachi – (Tekken series)

Most people focus on the wild hair and seem to pass right by this magnificent specimen. Heihachi’s ‘stache is like an old Western movie villain’s. It seems to be glaring at you. Daring you to draw first. Sure it might be a little gray these days, but that just seems to add to its powers of intimidation.

6. Science Papas – (Science Papa)

No one played or even seems to know this game exists. I am not sure what a Science Papa is or what he does, but I do know this game features some of the proudest ‘staches in the history of ‘staching. From glorious 70′s style to even more glorious mid 70′s style, the Science Papas are rockin’ the ‘stache like nobodies business.

5. Von Kaiser – (Punch-Out!! series)

He might look like someone that would be bare knuckle boxing with John L. Sullivan, but his sumptuous ‘stache is all business. A little bushy to show it means business, but with a playful little twirl at the end to show he has a fun side.

4. Mario – (too many games to list by a reasonable person)

The most famous mustachioed man in gaming sports an iconic ‘stache that says “Hey ladies, the plumber is here”.

3. Captain John Price – (Call of Duty 4)

Captain Price likes to take the time out of his busy schedule of saving the world from communists to grow out a commanding ’stache.  This is the kind of ‘stache that says “yeah, I am a total and complete bad Mutha (shut yo mouth), that can snipe a guy from 3 miles away and still have time for the ladies”.

2. Captain Price – (Call of Duty and Call of Duty 2)

It is probable that this hero of the second world war is the grandfather of our number 3 greatest ‘stache, and Grandpa has one of those old school mustaches that seem to envelop the entire face in a cradle of wisdom and Nazi killing.

1. Mike Haggar (Final Fight Series)

The Greatest Mayor in the history of Mayoring.

Mayor Mike Haggar spends his days breaking men in 2 and pile driving sharks. His mustache is so magnificent that it comes with its own power metal soundtrack. I hereby bestow Mr. Haggar with the “Tom Selleck Magnum P.I.  Lifetime Achievement Award For Excellence in the Field of Mustachery” and name Mayor Haggars’s ‘stache the greatest in gaming.

Tags: Captain John Price, Dr. Wily, Heihachi, henry hatsworth, Mario, mike haggar, mustaches, old snake, science papas, Tom Selleck Magnum P.I. Lifetime Achievement Award For Excellence in the Field of Mustachery, von kaiser, Wario

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 11th, 2010 at 10:15 am and is filed under Features. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.